The truth is out; allow our people and the rest of Canada to reconcile with this. The TRC has given a voice to many who were told to shut up for so many years. Our people carried the burden, were denied a chance to address the injustices done to them and were convinced that they were worthless. This in turn created broken people to return home and try to rebuild their lives with whatever scraps was left within them. This impacted relationships and families at its core, creating what we know now today as the social issues that our people are stigmatized with. Many believe this was done over a century ago and that does not give us a right for our people to “complain” and that they should “get over it”.
I have only reached the age of forty this year. I witnessed firsthand what the legacy of the residential school era has left behind. Starting with my mother who has struggled to be a proper parent with me; years of seeing the alcohol abuse, dealing with neglect, of finding strangers in my home intoxicated crying alongside my mom about the ghosts of the past, the watered down stories of the treatment my mother dealt with growing up in those schools, they have shaped me in ways I am only discovering now. I only hope my children do not inherit what I have inherited; the sense of being worthless.
I am now learning the lie I lived with, whereas in my case: alcohol was more important than me, so logically this means I AM NOT WORTHY OF ANYONE’S LOVE. In my mother’s case: to be ashamed of who you are, which of course convinced her of the same thing I was convinced of, I AM NOT WORTHY OF ANYONE’S LOVE.
There is the argument that: “Well, this happened a long time ago”, thinking that everything is still in the distant past. My best friend was required to go to residential school. Her parents eventually fled the country with their kids and went in the bush to avoid the worst that they themselves experienced. She is a survivor. I recognize the ghosts that haunt her because they have haunted me too; that sense of not being worthy of love, compassion and understanding. My own marriage broke down because those ghosts haunt my husband as well which in turn brought in addictive behaviors to numb the pain of the big lie.
This lie continues on with those who echo the same attitudes the previous generations have carried; the contempt towards us “worthless natives”. They too believe the lie. It’s demonstrated with the thoughtless comments you see at the end of any article that tackles aboriginal issues. You can see it by how our people are treated in society as criminals/drunks/out of work losers/etc. It’s shown with the way we are shoved aside in some isolated territory or reservation to deal with our own problems. Sadly it’s also revealed with our missing and murdered women.
The truth is out there and the detailed/witnessed accounts and the statistics from across the nation confirm the injustices our people lived with and still do to this day. However, many Canadians including some of our leaders in this country have such a low opinion of us. For example we see statements of the following: “this happened a long time ago”, “It’s in the past”, “it’s not an excuse”, “they are just mooching off the government”, “they are all unemployed, uneducated alcoholics”, the list can go on. Sadly they would still rather believe the lie that we are worthless. The lie is easier to swallow because it means not having to work at looking at the truth and making some real change.
The survivors today are now given that voice to tell the story about what happened to them in those places. For too long they had to suppress the horrors they lived with and bury it deep within themselves. They were told to shut up and deal. So they buried all those horrors. It would not stay buried and manifest itself with addictions and abuse. This created the cycle of shame. To be ashamed to “complain” as so many Canadians aptly put it, to be ashamed of their behaviors but mainly to remain ashamed of being who they are.
I watched as my mother struggled telling her story. I could see how she was reluctant to tell it. It brought her back to being that vulnerable child who was abused in these places. She struggled with the shame and for the longest time convinced herself that it was not okay to weep for that child. Telling her story gave her a chance to grieve for that lost child. It gave her a chance to forgive herself for simply being her, a native woman. It gave her a chance to be no longer a victim, but a survivor.
Can you honestly say that it’s ok for someone to tell you that whatever abuse you have suffered is in the past and get over it? That it’s acceptable to feel ashamed of that abuse? That’s it’s ok to swallow the lie that you are a worthless piece of scum? To just shut up and stop feeling sorry for yourself?
I heard an argument of someone saying how they suffered abuse as well and that they got over it and are now a productive member of society. I survived abuse and neglect and I am a productive member of society too. I don’t abuse alcohol or drugs. I am a responsible parent to my kids who in turn are doing well in their lives. All this does not diminish the fact that many of my loved ones still suffer to this day. I strive hard not to believe the lie because I was given a chance to see the truth. It is only now many of us are seeing the truth, including my mom. The truth is that they deserve the respect, understanding and love that they were denied for so long. They deserve recognition for the fact that they were able to survive the injustices this country has done to them. Most importantly they deserve to be treated compassion instead of resentment.
Reconcile with the fact that perhaps you are guilty of some quick judgments of us natives, some generalizations of who we are, some biased or racist attitudes towards us. Learn the truth about who we are and what we are striving to do, which is to heal from this. We are proud of being a native of this land. We are a proud nation. As a child of a survivor, I too am one. I am proud of that.